Weigh-in: 2/28/11

Weigh-in attached.

361.2

(-2.4)
Drive-by posting. Don't really feel like typing up a long post but I may do a video tomorrow. AF is lurking and all I want to do is lounge. I need to exercise.

Hope everyone is doing well!

PJ
Sent via BlackBerry mobile device

Gym Chronicles: Vol. 1

Enjoy!!

Weigh In: 2/21/11

Ya'll still with me? :)

So I'm down 0.8 from last week. Not good, but a loss is a loss is a loss, right?

Debrief:

Things within my control:
1) I exercised most every day. I think I missed a day somewhere in there, but I can't remember which one. I rocked out at the gym and I'm proud of myself. :)
2) I didn't count my points like I should have. I pretty much just fairly sensibly and didn't track. I may or may not have gone over, most days I think I was way under my points for the day. I know that's not a good habit, so I started tracking again yesterday.

Random:
1) I must be te last person alive that doesn't know about Vitatops. I went to Target and bought some and they are a LIFEsaver!!!

They are only 3pp and I swear, since I have a sweet tooth, these really do the trick. I felt like I ate something really decadent and didn't feel guilty about it. They are stored in the freezer, and you thaw by microwaving them. I actually microwave mine for about 30 seconds (more than they require) so that they are warm and the chocolate starts to melt. OMG HEAVEN!!!! :)

TTFN

Escalators and other near death experiences

When I read my girl Monique's blog the other day, I was reminded of an experience I had that I wanted to share with you.

 

See inspiration post here: http://watchmiilose.wordpress.com/2011/02/10/daily-100-other-near-death-experiences/#comments

 

I have a group of friends that all met through a specific website and those of us in the area get together from time to time.  At one point during the summer of 2008, one of the ladies' that had moved away came back to visit and we decided to all do dinner in DC.  At the time, I took public transportation to work, so I decided to just hop on the metro into DC and one of my friends would drop me off home afterwards.  The day prior, I was chatting with my boyfriend and casually mentioned the restaurant we were going to and he said "Oh, that's off Dupont Circle.  You're going to trip off of that escalator (he knows I don't like them), it's one of the longest ones in the metro system."  (I've since googled it and found that it's actually the 6th longest one...but who's counting?)  I cringed and mentioned again how much I hate escalators and we moved onto another subject.

 

The day of the meet and greet arrives and before I left work, I texted my girl that was driving and told her I was about to hop on the metro and head to DC.  She said "See you in a few" or something like that.  The train ride was uneventful and I arrived at the Dupont Circle Metro station in record time.  Then came a glitch.  When I went to exit the station, I realized that all the escalators were broken.  Damn.  I looked up at the people lugging their bags up the longest escalator I'D ever seen and then looked left to the elevators.  In line for the elevators were old people, handicapped people, people with strollers and REALLY fat people.  Clearly, I don't consider myself REALLY fat, only kind of fat.  :-/  I move pretty good for a big girl, I'll take the escalators.

 

About 1/3 of the way up, I realized I was in trouble.  My pride wouldn't let me stop, making the people behind me go around, so I kept going.  It was hot.  I started wheezing.  I should probably mention right now that sometime in 2007-08, I was diagnosed with "exertion-induced asthma", but since I didn't really exert myself on a daily basis any more than necessary, I never carried my inhaler with me.  It was at home...in a drawer...under some papers.  I can tell you exactly what went through my mind as I climbed step by agonizing step.

 

"Well M knows I'm coming, if I don't show up, she'll know something is wrong."

"I think L has my grandmother's phone number, so if they can't find me, L will know how to contact my family...I think"

"If I fall, I'm going to bowl all of these people behind me out of the way like bowling pins...and I'll be embarrassed"

"Just don't look up, keep stepping"

 

At some point (probably only halfway there) I had to stop.  I gripped onto the side for dear life and just stood there while people stepped around me.  I saw the disgust in their faces, but they were puffing and panting too so I didn't feel so bad.  I think I might have locked my knees while I stood there because all of a sudden, I felt really dizzy.  My eyes started crossing.  My heart was pounding.  My brain was jumping around like "IBTCH...what is WRONG with you?"  Well not really, but my head was throbbing.  Finally, only by the grace of God, I reached the top.  Like my Grandmother says, "I couldn't go another futha..."  So I stopped and tried to get my bearings.  My vision was blurry and I was weak in the knees.  I ended up holding on to a newspaper stand to get myself together.  Then I realized, I didn't know which way I was going.  I finally asked a FedEx or UPS guy who was parked at the light waiting, if he knew where the restaurant was, and he pointed the way.  I walked for seemingly another 5 miles to get there.  I was wheezing and dizzy and just knew that I would pass out at any second, but I was determined to just GET there.  I get there and as soon as I walked in, the group exclaimed "HEYYYYY!!!!"  I waived them ALL off and was like "I can't..." and went to the bathroom to get myself together.  About 15 minutes later, when I could talk, I finally told them what happened.  Since I was no longer in danger, I was able to laugh about it.  They thought it was pretty funny.  Clearly, when I said "I thought I was gonna DIE!" they thought I was exaggerating.  No.  I literally thought there were going to have to notify my next of kin that day. 

 

I was less mortified when 2 of the other party members came in behind me and recounted a similar story.  I couldn't feel too bad though, one of them was pregnant, and the other one is a grandmother.  My (then) 20-something, able-bodied self should have been able to keep up.  SMH

 

Anyway, that was my near-death experience.  It's really a shame that as I sit here and type this story to you that I'm probably in worse shape than I was then.  No, let me not kid myself, I'm DEFINITELY in worse shape than I was then. 

 

Blah...

Weigh-In: 2/14/11

Good Afternoon folks!!  Just checking in on this lovely Monday afternoon.  It's like 55 degrees outside!!!! 

 

So I'm up 0.6 and I am totally okay with that.  Why?  Because I had an indulgence...the one that you see there in the picture.  I was born in New York and have a lot of family in New York and Atlantic City, NJ.  When I was younger, one of the things I remember is us picking up hoagies from the White House Sub Shop on Arctic avenue in Atlantic City, and then going to the boardwalk and beach.  I remember getting on the double-decker bus with my grandmother from NY to NJ to spend the weekend in Atlantic City with her mom (Nana).  Everytime we would go back, we would get ANOTHER sub and "wrap it for travel" and eat off of it all week.  To me, those hoagies mark my Atlantic City summers and bring me a sense of nostalgia. 

 

Since my Nana died in 2008, I haven't been back to Atlantic City and that was the last time I enjoyed a White House hoagie.  When a friend of mine decided to go up for a day with her husband, I asked her to bring me back a sub...in jest.  She said "Ok, just text me what you want" and my stomach went CRAZY!!  Ya'll, I had butterflies about this sub.  It was really ridiculous.  I was so excited!  So I splurged.  I ate off my sub on Saturday AND Sunday, knowing full well that I would not be able to work off enough for my Monday morning weigh-in, but I'm okay with that.  This is a once every few years treat and I won't beat myself up about it.

 

How did YOU do this week?  :)

Reader Question

Hey folks!

One of my lovely readers sent me an email this morning and I got her permission to share her question. Maybe it'll be of interest to someone else:

SFC Reader:

Hello,
I was wondering if blogging has been helping you in this journey this far? I started reading blogs last week as a way of support in my own struggles, and haven't decided whether or not I should start one. So I was hoping to get your opinion and personal experiences this far.
Thank you!

My response:

First of all, thanks for stopping by my blog!

Second, yes, it has. For me, knowing that I have to be accountable at the very least, each week to people who are expecting me to do well helps keep me on track. I also find it therapeutic to write about my struggles with food, exercise and the emotional part of it. As you can see, my blog was just started recently, but it is already helping me to stay motivated. Anytime I post that I'm struggling with something, even if people don't comment, they email or those that know me personally will reach out to me in some other way. It really does help! The thing about blogging is this...you can make it as public or as private as you want. For me, writing is cathartic and it helps me work through issues that I might be experiencing and when I'm done, I feel better.

I suggested to a friend of mine that recently experienced a loss that she journal about it. Her issue was putting her face out there and feeling vulnerable. The good thing is that you can reveal as much or as little about yourself as you want. If you want to start your blog and add pictures (including your face) and stories, and put it out there for whomever to see, that's cool. If you want to write it and make it so that you are the only one that can view it, you can do that as well. Most blogging platforms also allow you to make your blog viewable to only those who you specifically invite. If you have a circle of friends that you want to be able to check-in on you, that's a great way to do it. It's all about your individual comfort level. When I started my blog, the first few days, I didn't tell anyone about it. Then I sent the link to several of my friends and family that are struggling with weight or health as I am. After about a week or so, I sent it to a few of my friends who aren't necessarily struggling with weight, but who I knew would be a good cheerleader for me. I also find that when I comment on others' blogs, they come back to take a look at mine. It's a great way to form a sense of camaraderie towards a common goal...healthy.

I hope this wasn't too long, but that it helped you a bit in your decision. Feel free to ask me any other questions.

:)

Have a great weekend all!!!!!

The Emotional Aspect

I watched something yesterday that took me to a bad place. That's the only way I can describe it, it just killed all motivation to do anything last night. I waited too long to eat lunch yesterday and my intention was to go home early, eat a "light" dinner (which ended up being a salad from Chipotle)sit for a few and go to Zumba at 6:55. Well that didn't happen. As I ate, I watched this thing and by the time I was done, I felt sick. I ended up talking to a friend about something unrelated for a few minutes, but when I got off the phone I just cried...and threw up. *sigh* (Let's be clear, I didn't throw up because of what I ate, I threw up because I was crying so hard)

I didn't have any motivation to do ANYthing last night. I know that I read something somewhere that exercising helps with situations like this because of the release of endorphins, but how do you even get motivated to start? I swear, if I would have had any unhealthy snacks in the house last night, it might have been a full-on binge fest, but thankfully, I've purged my kitchen. I stayed up and watched a few shows, then went to bed.

For me, the struggle is not just nutritional or physical, but emotional as well. I think that the emotional aspect is the hardest part. Sometimes I'm just not as in synch as I want to be, have to be...to be successful. I guess being in a place where I can recognize it and not allow myself to spiral out of control is half the battle, right? LOL

*sigh*

How often do you weigh?

I know on WW, they encourage you to only weigh once a week, but do you weigh more than that? For those of you who aren't following WW, how often do you weigh?

I know the premise is that your weight fluctuates so much, it's better to just weigh once a week or once a month, but I guess I get curious. PLUS, the scale is right there next to my toilet, lol.

I weighed in this morning at 365.0. I really hope it's just body/fluid changes and I haven't picked up weight. I've been doing very well this week with my eating and pretty good with my exercising as well (though some days I've done only the bare minimum of 30 minutes). Maybe I should drink more water. Maybe I should move more. I've been exhausted all week, I don't know if it's the weather or what. I guess time will tell, I have 4 more days until my official WI.

I'm a little scared...

So I had a great week this (read=last) week and my weigh-in was everything that I hoped...but I'm a little scared.

It's crazy how putting myself out here and letting everyone know that I am on this journey (for real) makes me a little afraid of messing up. It's not that I'm expecting to fail, but I guess I just have a bit of stage fright. I have been on this journey alone so many times, but never have I made it so public. Never did I have tools like Youtube, weight loss bloggers, message boards and facebook communities. I have people that check-in on me on Mondays specifically to see how I've done. That's scary. I've been able to be very honest about the weeks that I had a gain, but what about when it's not because of AF and I just don't do what I should? What about when I start building muscle and therefore gain weight...or plateau, will I be able to (for MYSELF) shelve the disappointment and continue to plug away?

One of my favorite quotes is:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." Marianne Williamson

It's my favorite quote and while logically, I know I have the right and ability to shine and succeed on this journey...the fact that this could actually be IT...is both exhilirating and overwhelming at the same time. I had several people recently tell me that I'm their inspiration and I need to keep at it because they look to me for motivation. I am leery of being that person. I've let myself down so many times that to know that other people are seeking inspiration from me...it's scary. I feel like I haven't accomplish anywhere NEAR enough to be a motivation for anyone. I've only loss just under 12lbs, and I have 10 times as much (plus some) to go. How can I be a motivation to anyone? By no means does it make me want to quit, it's just something I have to get over I suppose.

So, since I said I would always be honest with you, I had to share this.

Weigh-in: 2/7/11

Guess which blogger weighed in this morning for a total of 6 lbs down in the last week??

MEEEEEEEE, that's who!! :D

I am totally ecstatic! I know that some of it was water weight from AF leaving the building, but I am totally okay with that! Even if I attribute the 2.2lbs I gained the last 2 weeks to water weight, I still lost almost 4lbs. Hot dayum!! :)

Debrief:

Things out of my control:

1) Ummmm, can't think of anything. Other than the fact that it's not warm outside and I can't go walking outside (which is my favorite exercise when it's nice out).

Things within my control:

1) I rocked out. I love AJ for suggesting the physical challenge for February. I exercised at LEAST 30 minutes every day last week and I really think that was the key to the weight loss this week.
2) I did MUCH better on my water intake. I got in at least 100oz every day this week.


I'm so excited I can't even think straight. Let me get my thoughts together and I will come back for a real post, lol.

Smooches!!